I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
