woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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