I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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