Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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