What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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