just tell him i said nine months
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
