My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
