Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
