So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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