how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
