I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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