Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize