Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize