can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
