All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
