I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
