I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
