I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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