I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
