i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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