Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
