he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
