my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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