True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She told me I should be a condom model.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
