Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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