Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
