I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
