I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
