I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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