Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
