I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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