I think my vagina is haunted
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
40s are totally the cure
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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