tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
