If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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