I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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