plz talk dirty to me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
