He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
