Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
