I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
