hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
