i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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