i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
