Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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