i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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