Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
