if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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