my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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