i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize