Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
