there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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