dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
