Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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