Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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