Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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