why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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