At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize