you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
