Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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