He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
