She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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