I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.