The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.