I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants