Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I want to fling myself into the sun